Dear Sober Lifestyle,

You've left me with a lot of questions: What am I supposed to do with all the beers in my fridge? And where did all these nervous tics come from?

Please advise,
Strach

Initial Observations

On day one of sobriety I have noticed that everything is boring and stupid. I've also noticed that, when I am sober, other drunk people are especially boring and stupid. But when I am drunk, nothing is boring and stupid. In fact, when I'm drunk everything is awesome and worthy of hours of slow-paced conversation.

I call this the beer paradox.